It’s never the truth that we are this way. It’s just an old suppressed childhood hurt. But it‘s a hurt that we will do almost anything to avoid feeling. In an automatic attempt to avoid this hurt, we act in a way that sabotages our lives.

Any circumstance that triggers this hurt is subconsciously perceived as a threat. In an automatic attempt avoid this perceived threat, we fight and resist.

This creates a state of fear, upset and tunnel vision. It destroys our ability to see what needs to be done and it forces us to act in a way that makes the situation worse. This condition is present every time an area of life isn’t working.

Example 1

Mark’s finances always seemed to be in a state of turmoil. It turned out that he had a major issue with failure. To avoid feeling this hurt, he did everything he could to become a success.

He didn’t know it, but he lived in a state of tunnel vision. All of his focus was on how to avoid failure and become a success. This narrow focus sabotaged his finances.

To feel like a success, he would overspend and put himself deep in debt. When he had trouble paying his bills, his situation triggered more failure.

In an attempt to become a success quickly, he would jump into get rich quick schemes. When they didn’t work out, it triggered even more hurt. Everything he did to avoid the hurt of failure created more failure.

The same thing happens with every one of us. Whatever your hurt is, you will act in a way that is guaranteed to bring you more of the very hurt you are avoiding. Here is another example:

Example 2

Rhonda felt rejected as a child and spent her life running from the childhood hurt of feeling not worth loving. To avoid her hurt, she acted in a way that destroyed love and sabotaged her relationships.

She would constantly get upset and create conflict because people didn’t treat her a certain way. Then she would hang on to the men in her life and try to control them.

Instead of creating an environment where men would want to be with her, she pushed them away. Every thing she did to avoid her hurt created more of it.

The same dynamic is present in every relationship and in area of life that isn’t working. Some nerve is being triggered. The automatic avoidance of this nerve creates a state of fear upset and tunnel vision.

This destroys your ability to see what works and forces you to act in a way that magnifies the problem. You are forced to fight, resist, hang on or withdraw. This in turn creates more hurt.

Healing these conditons

Finding and removing these destructive conditions is one of the most important things you can ever do. Until this is done, you will be forced to repeat the past.

Once you discover the underlying condition that sabotages your life you get power over your situation. Once you find and heal the hurt that fuels it, the condition disappears and the situation starts clearing up.

The moment you remove this condition, everything seems to change. You see your situation clearly and can see what needs to be done. You become creative and resourceful. Solutions, opportunity and possibility show up that would never be available in the tunnel vision.

The problem areas of your life can clear up. Your relationships can heal and you can create a life that will exceed your dreams. You just need to learn how.