To find your hurt, look for the words of “not okay” that are particularly painful. Are you worthless, not good enough, not worth loving, or a failure? Don’t look to see if this is true. It’s not. Instead, notice how painful it would be if it were true. The more painful it would be, the closer you are to your hurt.

While you are looking, notice if there are any words of “not okay” that you deny being. “I know I’m not worthless.” “I’m definitely not a failure.” If you deny being a certain way, you have probably found the hurt that runs your life. You wouldn’t deny being this way unless you thought this was a horrible way to be.

You may find lots of these core issues, but for now, look for the ones that hurt the most. The following sections will show you where to look.

How was your relationship with your parents?

If you had a difficult relationship with one or both of your parents, this is probably where your hurt began.

To find the hurt, go back in time to the hurt you experienced as a child. Then put yourself in the emotion and ask yourself, according to the hurt, what do those circumstances say about you? What did your parents imply about you in their words and actions?

Did they say or imply that you were worthless or not good enough? Find the words that most accurately describe the hurt that you experienced as a child. Then notice how painful it would be if your parents were right about you. You really are this way.

How would it feel if they were totally justified in how they treated you because you are so worthless, not worth loving, not good enough, or whatever your issue is? If this is particularly painful, this is the hurt that runs your life.

If you had a good relationship with your parents, go to whatever hurt you experienced as a child. Then look to see what those circumstances say about you.

Make a list of all your major upsets.

Every time you have been upset will be a time when your hurt has been triggered. That’s why you got upset.

Make a list of every major upset that you have had in your life. Write down the times you have been hurt and the times you have been angry. List the setbacks and the difficult times you have experienced throughout your life.

After your list is complete, go to the hurt that’s under each upset and find what those circumstances say about you. Look for a theme that runs through all your upsets. This will be the hurt that runs your life.

What are your fears?

Make a list of all your fears, and for each fear, find the hurt that you are avoiding. What would it say about you if your fear came true? What is the hurt that you would have to feel?

What are you driven towards?

We are never driven towards something. We are driven away from something. For example, if someone is driven to succeed, that person is running from failure. If someone has to be loved, that person is running from some form of feeling unlovable.

The same is true for anything that you feel you need for your happiness. In reality, you don’t need anything outside of you to be happy. Happiness can only come from within. The feeling of need is driven by our hurt.

Find what you are driven towards and what you need for your happiness. Then look for the opposite. What would it say about you if you could never get what you wanted? Then notice how painful it would be if you really were this way.

What are the areas of your life that don’t work?

Any area of your life that doesn’t work is an area where you are resisting. You are resisting, because this area of life triggers your hurt.

List the areas of your life that don’t work. Then find what you are resisting. What are the circumstrances that you are avoiding? What do you fear will happen? After you find what you are resisting, find the hurt that is being triggered. What do those circumstances say about you?

What do you resist in your parents?

How do you feel at the possibility that you are just like your parents? For most people, this is a very uncomfortable thought. If this is true for you, you have found more hurt.

Any characteristic that you resist in another person is an aspect of you that you resist in yourself. List the characteristics that you resist in your parents.

Has rejection or abandonment been an issue for you?

Would an incredibly wonderful person be rejected or abandoned? No, not according to the hurt. So what kind of person would this happen to?

For most people, the hurt under rejection and abandonment is the hurt of feeling worthless and either unlovable or not worth loving. Notice how painful it would be if this were true about you.

What is your hurt?

Now go back and review all the sections on this page. See if you can get more insight into your hurt. Keep looking for the words that are the most painful.

You may discover that you have several different words that are painful. For example, you may have the hurt of feeling not good enough, not worth loving, and of being a failure.

You need to heal all of them, but for now, find the words that hurt the most. For most people, the bottom line hurt is worthless.

To describe your hurt more accurately, you may want to use a combination of words. Consider combinations like these: worthless failure, stupid loser, or hopelessly unlovable.

What is the hurt that runs your life?

Schedule an appointment with Bill Ferguson

The best way to find and heal the hurt that runs your life is to schedule an appointment with Bill Ferguson. The healing process is very fast. Most people have a major healing in one or two sessions. Learn more.

For more information, call (713) 520-5370.

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